Theories That Lack Good Stories
Chapter 4: Notes On Success
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Chapter 4: Theories That Lack Good Stories
Don Anderson was just fifteen years old when his mother attacked his father with a knife. She chased him up the stairs, swinging. He grabbed the keys to the family car, and then some rope from the garage.
There are two major camps when it comes to “how to succeed” in most modern day “non-fiction”.
Some, argue that Passion is the key. If we don’t do something we love, we’ll never get anywhere doing it.
Others think that “love is not enough”. Discipline and hard work are the only way to push through the days when we, well, would rather do nothing at all.
I like to think we could meet somewhere in the middle.
We need Persistence, and Discipline to get what we want.
Passion drives persistence and focus drives discipline.
The passion seeker:
Those of us that think that if we find a job that we love, we’ll never have to “work a day in our life”. This is a fallacious exercise. Even if we love to do something or are passionate about it, there will still be many days that require extremely difficult work and persistence.
The disciplined mind:
Some of us believe that no amount of love for something or enjoyment is enough to create success. We could absolutely love riding a motorcycle, but that love will not be enough to make us into a professional motorcycle racer traveling over 200 miles an hour where one mistake could cause us to lose our lives.
Discipline however, and intense focus even when it’s not fun, might cause us to reach the top. Be the best.
In the early 1990s, a young woman faced a series of daunting challenges. After enduring the loss of her mother, she found herself in a foreign country, navigating the difficulties of a failed marriage.
As a single mother herself, she grappled with depression and lived on government assistance, struggling to provide for her child. Despite these things, she clung to her passion for storytelling, often writing in cafes while her infant daughter slept beside her.
Her manuscript was rejected by multiple publishers, but she stayed the course. Her unwavering determination eventually led to the creation of a globally beloved witchcraft and wizarding series.
Persistence often appears to be the secret sauce once we have a viable skillset or product.
Chances are, that if we have a very difficult or unreachable goal for most people- getting there will require persistence and a lot of rejection.
It is highly likely that we will have to re-attempt achieving whatever it is that we want to achieve over and over again, before it actually happens.
It might take us seven years to graduate from college instead of four. It might take us five rejections before we land that position we want. We might have three or four bosses refuse to promote us until one of them gives us the yes we were looking for.
We must have persistence.
Quitting is the number one reason we don’t achieve what we want.
I like to believe that passion drives the ability to persist. If we love doing something, the likelihood that we will stop doing it when it becomes extraordinarily difficult is lower.
It is not zero, though, so when we talk to people about why they’re failing to achieve something, the number one reason we see is that they lack persistence.
Many of us lack the ability to handle someone rejecting us or telling us we lack the aptitude to accomplish something.
When we are striving to achieve something that we are extremely passionate about, persistence naturally follows psychologically.
Our ability to persist doesn’t always last forever. There will be times when we are tired. We are hungry. We are depressed, or sad.
There will be times when there is no amount of passion or persistence that will allow us to keep pushing harder. That’s when we need discipline.
Focus and Discipline:
External factors will cause us to have a more difficult time with persistence.
Psychologically, when this happens we often look to the idea of Focus as an answer to keep going. If we push through, and leverage the ability to intensely block out outside influences over and over again, discipline inevitably follows.
Why do we say that focus begets discipline? Intense focus psychologically helps the brain to, not eliminate, but smartly filter outside influence and distraction.
There are a variety of different ways to improve our ability to focus- but overall, we just need time to practice intense concentration on a singular task that allows us to build our proficiency at this.
All discipline really is, is the ability for someone to force themselves to continue something regardless of feelings, emotions, physical limits. The only thing that allows someone to run over 50 miles straight without stopping, is discipline.
Once in the not so distant past a man found himself at a crossroads. He was overweight, he worked as an exterminator, spraying for pests in restaurants and barely making ends meet. His days were filled with monotony, and his nights were plagued by self-doubt and a sense of unfulfilled potential.
One evening, while watching a documentary about Navy SEALs, he felt an undeniable pull toward change. Determined to transform his life, he faced the daunting challenge of losing over 100 pounds in three months to meet the SEAL training requirements. Through sheer willpower and relentless discipline, he achieved this goal, embarking on a journey that would see him become a Navy SEAL, an ultra-endurance athlete, and a motivational speaker.
I would argue that those of us that will become highly successful in any endeavor, have both extreme discipline and persistence.
The teenage boy rushed his mother. Her eyes were glazed over, knife in her hand, swinging it at his father.
He forced her to the ground and began wrapping rope around her wrists. She kicked and screamed as he dragged her through the garage, and into the trunk of the family car. His father tried to stop him, but Don was too strong for him.
Trauma and Opportunity
In a society that often views trauma as a hindrance, I want to challenge such a massive misconception.
Contrary to popular belief, experiencing trauma can be a catalyst for personal growth, resilience, and even financial success.
Individuals who have faced adversity often develop unique skills and perspectives that those of us without such experiences will lack. Fact.
Trauma forces individuals to confront and overcome significant challenges, fostering resilience. This kind of adaptability is priceless when it comes to leadership capability and creativity.
People who have navigated hardships are often better equipped to handle stress, make quick decisions, and persevere through setbacks. These qualities are necessary in both personal and professional life.
These things can deepen our empathy and emotional intelligence.
Understanding pain and hardship allows us to connect with others on a profound level, and that is invaluable.
The ability to relate to diverse experiences can lead to stronger relationships, better teamwork, and more effective communication.
Facing adversity often requires creative solutions.
People who have experienced trauma are accustomed to thinking outside the box and finding unconventional paths to success.
This innovative mindset is a significant asset in entrepreneurship and problem-solving scenarios, where traditional approaches almost always fall short.
We have all met that person, who feels everything is a crisis. Every setback or minor inconvenience throws them off balance.
They complain about every small hurdle the world throws at them. We think to ourselves- this person has never actually had anything bad happen to them.
While some may view trauma as a setback, it provides a competitive edge. The grit and determination developed through overcoming personal challenges can drive individuals to achieve higher levels of success and financial gain.
Growing up in a neighborhood where opportunities were scarce and challenges were everywhere, Don learned early on that life wasn’t always fair.
He often found himself grappling with feelings of inadequacy and fear.
As a child, he witnessed his parents’ constant battle to make ends meet. Their stress and anxiety permeated the home, creating an environment where uncertainty was the only constant.
He remembered nights lying awake, listening to their loud screams at each other over and over again.
Overcoming trauma will lead to growth, if we let it.
History is replete with examples of us who turned our experiences into stepping stones for success.
On the flip side, individuals who have led relatively trauma-free lives sometimes lack the coping mechanisms and resilience developed through adversity.
Without the intense desire to overcome significant challenges, we might struggle when faced with unexpected setbacks, leading to higher stress levels and potential burnout.
The absence of trauma can result in a lack of depth in character and, in turn, a limited capacity for the ability to persist and establish a disciplined mind.
Don, at only fifteen years old, drove his mother, hands tied in the back seat of the family car- to the local police station. He dropped her off.
As officers met him at the car, he placed the knife on the ground, and only said one thing.
“She tried to kill my father”.
He drove away.
Tragedy that befalls individuals, often leads to irreversible change.
It’s up to us to decide what to do with it.
It manifests in various forms: the loss of a loved one, the end of a cherished relationship, personal failures, or unforeseen daily losses.
These events, are an inherent part of human life, and important to pay attention to.
How we react and use these events to our advantage can often mean the difference between winning and losing.
Continuously ruminating on past tragedies can lead to paralysis, preventing us from embracing new opportunities and experiences.
This can distort our perception of reality, and keep us stuck in one place for far too long.
Perhaps it causes us to lose Passion for things. Or become unable to Focus.
If we don’t pay attention to this, it can become nearly impossible to recover.
Many of us know someone who has experienced extreme pain, and never been able to continue on in life in any meaningful way.
I don’t want you or I to become that.
I want us to win.
Acceptance involves acknowledging the event, understanding its impact, and choosing to integrate the experience into our life without allowing it to define our entire existence.
We hear everywhere, philosophies such as Stoicism and teachings from various spiritual traditions that emphasize the importance of focusing on the present moment and accepting the impermanence of life.
This isn’t a useless exercise.
By doing so, we can work on resilience, find strength in the face of adversity, and use these experiences as stepping stones toward bigger wins in the future.
I remember a day my world shifted. The phone call came in the early hours. My father passed away unexpectedly. The grief was overwhelming.
In the weeks that followed, I became consumed by the past. I revisited old pictures, listened to recordings of his voice, and clung to every memento that connected me to him.
I believed that by holding onto these fragments, I could keep him alive in some way.
But instead, I felt myself slipping into a state of inertia, unable to move forward with my life.
One evening, a thought struck me: Is this how he would want me to live? He was a man of strength and resilience. He had faced his own hardships with grace and had always encouraged me to embrace life fully, even in the face of pain.
I realized that by dwelling on the past, I was dishonoring him and his memory.
Don’s mother was released by the police the next day, and continued to ravage the lives of her husband, and her son. For years to come.
This is an Excerpt from My Book Notes On Success,
You can purchase it here if you’d like to support us!